Please Just Say You’re Proud Of Me

February 27, 2024

Please Just Say You’re Proud Of Me


I could say, justifiably so, that I was so proud of Fairholme last Tuesday, as we shared Sess’ Memorial service together, in community. Far better to say: I am proud to be part of the Fairholme community. Even better to say: I am so grateful to be part of the Fairholme community.


I was struck by both a depth of grief and a depth of gratitude that sat dichotomously together, strangely in alignment. It is possible to feel both emotions at once, I discovered. That I was sad, that we were collectively sad, comes as no surprise to anyone who crossed paths with this man who grew self-belief in so many, inspired hope in so many and cared for so many. That is a given. What surprised me more, was the groundswell of gratitude I felt for those who shared that moment, and particularly the courage of our students who took to the stage or formed the guard of honour or performed one last Jump’n’Jive for the teacher/mentor/coach they revered. In sharing grief, there is bravery. How could one not feel grateful to be a part of such a community?


Yet, just on Friday, I attended a conference focused on Parent Engagement, one of the presenters referred to a text ‘Please Just Say You’re Proud of Me: Perspectives of Young People on Parent Engagement and Doing Well at School’ produced by the Australian Research Alliance for Children and Youth in 2019. It was the phrase ‘please just say you’re proud of me’ that I couldn’t shake throughout the day. It is that almost plaintive voice that sits within us all, as we seek our parents’ approval, at almost any stage or age of life: the need to please our parents. Whilst this can be a motivator, a signifier of our love for mum and dad, it can also cause “high degrees of stress and anxiety” (Roy, Barker, and Stafford, 2019). It is unsurprising that students find parental vested interest in them, their schooling, their successes - a source of additional pressure. How easy it is, to interchange the words proud and grateful without being awareness of the difference in meaning. And there is.


Seeking affirmation can have its downside, particularly as children enter adolescence (deemed to be around the age of 9 to 13) and start to “detach from childhood,” (Pickhardt, 2015) seeking out independence, and a sense of self not entwined with their parents. It is at this time that hearing those words, “We are proud of you,” or “I am proud of you,” can be the metaphoric double-edged sword compliment. There is a sweetness in pleasing our parents, but this can easily wend its way to the anxiety-inducing thoughts – “I have to please my parents at all costs.” “I can’t bear to let my parents down.” At worst, it can also be a time where parents absorb “personal credit” (Pickhardt, 2015) for their child’s achievements, where a parent’s own self esteem rests precariously upon the successes or perceived failures of their child. Of course, as parents, we cannot disentangle ourselves from our children, that is simply an impossibility. However, we can, as suggested by Pickhardt, think carefully before we use the words ‘pride’ or ‘proud’. We might be better placed to consider words to the effect: “Good for you.” “We are happy for you.” “You look really pleased with your effort.” Or, if we can’t detach from the ‘p’ word, it might be better to venture to “I’m so proud to be your Mum/Dad”.” The subtle turn in language shifts the feeling. It stops us from owning their achievement, or them. 


Being grateful rather than proud allows us to congratulate adolescents without entering the dangerous space of congratulating ourselves or living vicariously through them. Allowing our children to exist with agency and independence allows for their personal growth, with all its peaks and troughs, difficult as that can be. The key to emotional security, is for our children to know that “we have their back” that we are “in their corner” and that they are safe with us and that their achievements belong to them, not to us. Love is not contingent upon them achieving “success” – an arbitrary term often drawn from conventional definitions. Let us err always on the side of gratitude that we have for our children and rephrase our need to be proud when the thought enters into our consciousness. Parenting is, after all, the hardest job in the world, one in which we develop skills as we go – for each of our unique and precious children of whom we are not proud, rather, of whom we are so grateful, even in the toughest of circumstances.



Dr Linda Evans | Principal


REFERENCES

Royy, Barker & Stafford (2019). ‘Perspectives of Young People on Parent Engagement and Doing Well at School.’ Canberra: Australian Research Alliance for Children and Youth (ARACY).


Marchese, D. (2021). ‘Dr. Becky Doesn’t Think the Goal of Parenting Is to Make Your Kid Happy.’ The New York Times Magazine. Nov. 14, 2021.


Pickhardt, C. (2015). ‘Adolescence and Making Parents Proud.’ Psychology Today.

More News…

Leading with Heart: Miranda Mann, 2026 Head Boarder

By Sarah Richardson • November 24, 2025
As we welcome a new year, 2026 Head Boarder Miranda Mann talks about her ambition for her time in the role, reflects on her formative years and looks to what the future holds beyond the tartan. Miranda represents the sixth-generation of cattle graziers from Hillgrove Station, north of Charters Towers. With a deep connection to the land and a heart full of compassion, Miranda brings a grounded, inclusive, and community-focused ideal to the Head Boarder role in 2026. Beginning at Fairholme in Year 7, when she first arrived from her family’s historic Brahman cattle station, established in 1861, before the founding of Townsville. The transition from rural life to boarding school was significant, but it was the unwavering support of her fellow boarders and the dedicated boarding staff that helped her find her place. “An experience that has shaped me to who I am today is the support I received from fellow boarders and staff during tough times,” Miranda reflects. “It’s a great feeling when you know the people around you care for you and want you to succeed. That drives me to do the same for others, because the impact can be significant.” As Head Boarder, Miranda is most excited about working closely with students and staff throughout the year, especially during key events that bring the community together. “I want to make the most of my time left at Fairholme, it’s going to fly by,” she says. “My goal is to leave an everlasting impact by building a more connected and respectful boarding environment. I want every girl to feel comfortable and to enjoy the boarding space even more than they do now.” Miranda’s hope is that her leadership style is rooted in empathy and action. She encourages younger boarders to embrace every opportunity: “Get involved with others and join in on activities around the boarding house, even something as simple as a game of touch. It really makes the term more enjoyable and creates everlasting memories. And don’t be afraid to try new extracurriculars, even if you haven’t done them before.” With her strong sense of community, deep appreciation for her roots, and a genuine desire to uplift those around her, Miranda Mann is set to make 2026 a memorable and meaningful year for the Fairholme boarding family.

Celebrating Peer Support in Boarding

By Sarah Richardson • November 24, 2025
Friendship, connection, and a beautiful handover afternoon tea. At the beginning of this year, our Boarding Wellbeing Audit highlighted one message loud and clear: strong peer support is one of the most powerful influences on boarder wellbeing. In response, we set out with intention to strengthen and expand the ways our older girls walk beside and uplift our younger ones. In Term 2, we introduced our Middle Sisters program: a group of dedicated Year 11 Boarders who stepped in to support our Year 7s as the Year 12 academic demands increased. Over the past three terms, the Year 7s and Year 11s have shared plenty of laughs, chats, and practical support, building bonds that have enriched daily boarding life. Wanting our Year 8s to experience the same connection, we extended the initiative to include Year 10 Boarders who were interested to take on a similar role. This group has done a wonderful job running relaxed, group-style mentoring over shared dinners—something the Year 8s have thoroughly enjoyed. A big thank you to Year 11 Boarder, Bella Quinn, who has taken the lead in organising our next group of peer mentors. She has brought together our current Year 9s, who will step into mentoring roles in 2026, supporting today’s Year 7s as they move into Year 8, continuing the cycle of connection and care. Bella hosted a lovely afternoon tea to mark the handover. It was a chance for our Year 11 Middle Sisters to introduce their Year 7s to the new Year 9 mentors who will walk alongside them next year. The Cameron Room was filled with chatter, laughter and the beginnings of friendships that will carry through many years of boarding life. It was a reminder of what makes our community so special: girls supporting girls, encouraging one another, and finding strength in connection.

Back-to-Back State Champion

By Sarah Richardson • November 19, 2025
Fairholme Year 6 student, Eden Broksch, has once again shown her incredible talent and determination, taking out the State Championship title in the Tetrathlon for the second consecutive year. Competing at the Queensland Representative School Sport State Track and Field Championships in Townsville, Eden shone across all four Tetrathlon events: 100m, Long Jump, Shot Put and 800m. The competition, held over two days, began with the 100m and Long Jump. Eden admits the first day didn’t quite go to plan. ‘At the end of the first day, I was in about 12th place,’ she shared. But day two brought a remarkable turnaround. After a strong Shot Put performance, she surged up the leaderboard. ‘After the Shot Put, I moved up to fourth place. I was pretty confident I could place in the top three if I finished with a good run in the 800m,’ she said. What followed was a determined and inspiring final effort. Eden ran her heart out in the 800m — her favourite event and that final burst was enough to secure the overall win. ‘I ran a personal best time in the 800m and ended up winning overall by just a couple of points,’ she explained, smiling. This victory also means Eden will once again don the maroon colours, earning her place on the Queensland team for the second year in a row. ‘It feels so good,’ she said. ‘I love going away with the team, it’s so much fun and one of my best friends is also going too, which makes it really enjoyable to share the experience.’ In the lead-up to nationals, Eden has been training with enormous commitment and energy. ‘I’m running usually five days a week, two throws training sessions, two long jump sessions and I also play touch football,’ she explained. Shot Put and the 800m remain her favourite events, but her love for combined disciplines continues to grow. She’s already looking ahead to the future. ‘I love competing in the combined events. I don’t just have to focus on only one event, I can do multiple. I hope to move from the tetrathlon to the heptathlon when I’m old enough.’ Eden is also a true all-round athlete. This year alone, she has represented Darling Downs in Orienteering and both Queensland and Darling Downs in Cross Country, all while representing Fairholme in touch football, netball and gymnastics as well. Her passion for sport extends beyond competition — she treasures the friendships she has forged along the way. ‘I’ve made lots of great friends through athletics from all over,’ she said. As Eden prepares for the School Sport Australia National Championships in Canberra at the end of the month, her goals are clear. ‘I want to improve on last year’s score and achieve another personal best in the 800m.’ Congratulations, Eden! Fairholme is incredibly proud of your grit, talent and wonderful attitude. We’ll be cheering you on as you take on the national stage once again.
All News