Lessons in Accountability

February 28, 2025

Becoming empathetic, responsible, relational and accountable...


Words matter. Lessons in accountability are gifts for life. They are lessons we value here at Fairholme, where one of our five core values: respect is grown through many factors, including through the philosophy of restorative practices.


It’s been the Fairholme way for more than two decades, its sited in the notion of accountability for actions, fixing problems respectfully and moving forward. It is not a quick fix because restorative practices is not something we do, it is about becoming… becoming empathetic, responsible, relational and accountable: tough lessons that take time to learn and appreciate. These lessons are bound through a worldview of “working with” rather than “power over.”


For some it’s a big shift in how we see behaviour, how we see children and how we see ourselves. American psychologist, Ross Greene says that “we have forgotten that those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modelled, have to be practiced.”


At a previous school I found myself meeting with a mother and son regarding the misalignment between his approach in class, his capability and his results. This was a chronically underachieving highly academically capable young man, unable to meet the expectations of the classroom.


Contrastingly, he had two older sisters who had been engaged, hard-working students, high-achievers. His teachers were deeply frustrated and offended by Mark’s (not his real name) behaviour. I was told by some that this behaviour was mirrored at home.


I reminded myself that such information was third hand – second hand at best. Yet, I knew from some reliable sources (their neighbours were also on staff) that things were tricky at home. I was keen to sit with his parents and the young man and plot a way forward.


I was keen for a learning conversation around accountability, and importantly a respectful plan to move ahead in a better direction, with support. I was naively hopeful about the outcomes.


Like all ‘perfect’ conversations that we prepare in our head, it ran in a vastly different direction. Such a different direction that more than a quarter of a century later, I can still recollect aspects of the meeting and I have remonstrated myself many times over the years about what I “could have/should have” done differently, better, more effectively. Mum arrived with Mark, no dad – it would seem that education remains, too often, the province of the mother.


Things got off to an immediately bad start:


Mother: I am so surprised that you have asked us in to discuss Mark’s results and his behaviour. Quite frankly, my husband and I think that this is about Mark’s teachers, not Mark. His sisters think so too. We simply don’t believe that he is the problem – your teachers are. We don’t see any of this behaviour that’s been described, at home. He is such a good kid, a perfect kid, really.


Me: Thanks for that. Gosh, no problems at home? Then that is challenging – perfect behaviour at home and an inability to meet our expectations at school – in any of his classes. What do you think is happening? What can we do to get more of Mark’s home behaviour, here at school?


Fortunately, memory has erased the full script of the conversation as it unfolded. Needless to say, we didn’t reach the sort of agreement or understanding I was thirsting for. And what came to pass was that this young man’s poor behaviour entered the public arena, the police arena, the legal arena on a number of occasions into the future. On hearing of this, each time, I replayed our conversation and winced, I felt a degree of

responsibility for my own part in an unsuccessful conversation.


I also pondered about the message Mark heard when his mother said, “His behaviour at home is perfect.” Because, in that moment he had his personal accountability snatched away. And Mark learned, through those words, that in a public forum, in the face of an authority figure, his mother would lie for him.


Sometimes we do forget that “those skills on the more positive side of human nature have to be taught, have to be modelled, have to be practiced.” (Greene)


Before we get too self-righteous, Greene also reminds us that “the kids we often find most difficult are the kids who need our empathy the most.” Words matter. Lessons in accountability are gifts for life. But empathy needs to be our first step, always.


Dr Linda Evans | Principal


REFERENCES

Greene, R. (n.d.) Lives in the Balance. Accessed February 15, 2025. https://www.livesinthebalance.org

Voigt, Adam (2020) Voigt, A. (2020). Restoring teaching: How working restoratively unleashes the teacher within. Adam Voigt.

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Chasing Dreams and Balancing It All

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Journey to Leadership

By Sarah Richardson • February 28, 2025
For our Head Girl Gracie Mack her journey at Fairholme began like many others—nervous but excited. Despite having two older sisters who had walked the same path before her, the first day still came with its challenges. ‘I remember two of my classmates and I spending far too long trying to find out where the classroom DC1 was,’ Gracie recalls with a laugh. ‘We walked around the school for half the lesson because we were too scared to ask for help. Spoiler alert: it’s the Drama Centre opposite the Library!’ That first day was a whirlwind of new faces and experiences, including meeting her teachers. One encounter particularly stood out. ‘I realised I had Mrs Wallis for Humanities, which was a bit awkward because I had unknowingly told her during the Boarding tours in Moonie that history was by far my least favourite subject. Lucky she didn’t hold it against me though!’ Some of Gracie’s most treasured memories come from the traditions that make boarding life at Fairholme so special. The first weekend of the year is always a closed weekend, filled with activities designed to help boarders settle in and form new friendships. One of the standout events for Gracie was the watermelon-eating competition, where she and her friend Anna Street would eagerly devour slice after slice in a spirited attempt to win—often ending up with sticky faces in the process. ‘Holme Day in the Boarding House was another highlight, with an early morning and a lip-sync competition to determine who got to go to breakfast first.’ And of course, Christmas Dinner was a special tradition: ‘The kitchen staff cook up a feast, and the night is filled with karaoke and each year performing a funny Christmas-themed dance.’ Given her deep connection to Fairholme, it’s no surprise that Gracie was inspired to take on the role of Head Girl. She had always loved being involved in school events and saw this role as an extension of that passion. Seeing past Head Girls on stage in Assembly had always been a highlight, and she admired those who had come before her. As the opportunity approached, she realised that the role would not only allow her to give back to the school but also offer invaluable personal growth: ‘Having mentorship and growing as a leader is an irreplaceable experience. And as I continued to appreciate Fairholme for how amazing it is, being chosen to represent that felt like an incredible privilege.’ When considering the legacy she hopes to leave behind, Gracie’s focus is on kindness and encouragement: ‘I want to promote bucket-filling, not just for future leaders but for the whole school. I want to leave behind a legacy of getting involved and being a cheerleader for everyone.’ Managing the demands of Year 12 alongside her responsibilities as Head Girl requires a strategic approach to time management. Gracie believes that preparation is crucial, noting that staying ahead of deadlines before exam blocks or major events always proves beneficial. However, she acknowledges that balancing commitments isn’t always easy. ‘Understanding your own limits is key,’ she explains. ‘Knowing how busy you are helps you recognise when to step back and when you have the capacity to assist others.’ Above all, she prioritizes rest. ‘Sleep is non-negotiable for me. It’s made a huge difference over the past few years, and I plan to keep it that way.’ She is also grateful for the strong support network around her, knowing they will always encourage her to take care of herself. And as a final fun fact about our Head Girl? ‘Over the years, I have taught myself how to raise one eyebrow and move my ears,’ she shares. ‘But I still cannot, for the life of me, whistle!’

Never Ever Ring The Bell ...

By Sarah Richardson • January 31, 2025
Beginning. Starting. Commencing. What does beginning well actually look like? Sometimes when we expect a perfect start, we overlook the quiet power of simply showing up, the world is run by those who show up. Those people who never, ever ring the bell, those people who show up, even when it is hard to do so, especially when it is hard to do so. Brene Brown reminds us that “the willingness to show up changes us, it makes us a little braver each time we do.” In enacting bravery, it is important to start small if that’s what it takes. American Naval Admiral, William McRaven says this: “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. If you can’t do the little things right, then you will never do the big things right.” He believes in persistence. His mantra is this: don’t ever, ever ring the bell. He refers to the initial training for the United States of America Navy Sea, Air, and Land Teams the SEALS. Their initial training sees more than 80 percent of participants drop out. During this training, a brass bell hangs in the center of the room for all the students to see. If they find the work too hard. If they decide against becoming a SEAL. All they have to do to quit—is to ring the bell. Ring the bell and they no longer have to wake up at 5 o’clock. Ring the bell and they no longer have to complete freezing cold swims. Ring the bell and they no longer have to endure long runs carrying heavy weights, the obstacle courses, or to suffer the hardships of training. Just ring the bell and it’s all over. When exhausted SEAL candidates reach their breaking point, they haul themselves to the bell and ring it three times. The sound echoes through the training grounds and announces publicly that another candidate has “opted out.” All they have to do is ring the bell. Just ring the bell and the hard work stops. I wonder if Lilli Hamilton (Queensland cricketer and HEAT member) rang the bell when Cricket training no longer felt like it was fun, or if Alex Edwards (Australian Orienteering representative) opted out of orienteering because frankly, the distance was too far, or if Scarlett Sippell (Emus National Youth Touch Football Squad member) gave up because training was too tough …. what they would miss out on … When we opt out, even when it is hard, we also miss out on possibilities. There are so many opportunities at Fairholme to achieve one’s best - academically. In the Arts. In Sport. Opportunities to serve others. To be a good friend – a good person. But then again, if any of those things are too hard, all anyone has to do is – opt out. Say it’s too hard. Say they didn’t get selected in the right team. Say their teachers didn’t give them the right results. Say they weren’t given the right position. Text their parents and tell them that Fairholme is awful. All they have to do, is ring the bell. Yet, if we want to change the world, If we want to get the best out of this year at Fairholme, whatever that involves - never ever give up. Start small, aim big. Always show up. Don’t give up. Don’t ever, ever ring the bell. The most meaningful changes in life are often built in the times that no one sees, and, importantly, in the daily decision to simply show up, and to show up for others. When my daughter, Natalie was twenty-one, she began her teaching career at an Autism specialty school in Brixton, London. She would phone me often: for advice, for debriefing, for re-setting – her school was classified as being in Special Measures – it was on the brink of closure. Often, when she phoned to describe her day – to talk about the boys in her class, all aged 12 or 13, it went a little like this: “Today, Mashley threw a chair through a window because he didn’t like the activity we were doing. I had to break up a fight at lunch. Jerome pulled a knife on me. Three boys in my class have joined gangs.” I wanted to say: “Natalie: get another job. That one is too dangerous.” I wanted to fly her home from London, immediately. I had to stop the urge to board the next plane to London and rescue her. But my advice to her – was this: Show up. Keep showing up. No matter how you feel… Get up, dress up, show up: don’t give up. These kids need to know that someone cares enough to show up. After all, when we show up for others, we can affect the most profound of changes. I am always intrigued about who shows up here at Fairholme – especially at difficult times. In 2011 when floods ravaged Toowoomba and so much of Fairholme was flooded – staff showed up - in their holidays. They turned up to rip up carpets, move furniture, clean floors, and walls. Last year, in the sadness of Sess’ passing our community showed up, in droves, with deep compassion – importantly, our community showed up for one another. I think of 2024 Year 12s who showed up for others, after they had officially finished attending classes at and were preparing for or undertaking their external exams. Lizzy Kelly and Ciara Teahan showed up to play in the stage band, for the Year 11 Leaders Assembly, so that the group could perform at its best. Roma Aarons came to an Assembly in November to share a fabulous rendition of ‘Hotel California’. On a Sunday morning, early in December, graduated students Rachel Yap, Alana Callaghan, Amelia Ramia and Roma Aarons, showed up at Rosies to prepare food for Toowoomba people who don’t have easy access to basic necessities. After last year’s Interschool Athletics Carnival, Clare Hogan noticed staff picking up loads of lost property and carrying it into the Assembly Hall. She asked – Can I help? When we show up, especially when it is for others, especially when it’s hard, we learn a lot about ourselves and others. The students at the school where my daughter taught in Brixton, London – needed teachers to show up, they needed people to notice them, they needed interest, care, attention. They needed to know that they mattered. The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time, particularly when we show up for others. Show up. Keep showing up. Show up for others. And remember the advice of Naval Admiral, William McRaven … even when it’s hard, don’t ever, ever ring the bell. Begin well, continue well, finish well. Dr Linda Evans │Principal
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