She’s coming back…

August 12, 2022

No one ever really warned me that raising an adolescent girl would be difficult. Or perhaps I just chose not to listen to comments from seasoned parents that tended to sound like, ‘Just wait until adolescence kicks in,’ ‘She’ll eventually come back [to you],’ ‘Don’t hold your breath waiting for that cute little girl to return,’ or, the barely reassuring, ‘Good luck!’ I think that I was under some sort of naïve impression that there would be an easy transition from sharing picture books, to learning to ride a push bike and navigating Tamagotchi deaths, into the tumultuous world of a teenager.


Perhaps I even imagined, foolishly, that having shared my entire adult life with adolescents on a daily basis, I would be insightful enough to pre-empt conflict, maintain razor-sharp boundaries and enjoy a mature relationship with my daughter. God taught me otherwise.


American writer, Samuel Goodrich (2011) states insightfully that ‘there is so much of us vested into our relationships with our children. Hopes and fears, ardent wishes and anxious apprehensions are twisted together in the threads that connect parent with child!’


In our quest to fulfil our hopes for our children, we become expert script writers, constructing their futures in beautiful phrases, sculpting their opportunities and, sometimes, forgetting to include their voice and their choice in the way the text unfolds. We become deeply invested in maintaining the perfect storyline where the central character or characters are our children. Like me, you may come to the stunning realisation that the script that you have meticulously created is not so accurate, after all.


As my adult daughter heads back to work in London in January, I remind myself that she may never live in Queensland again, let alone Toowoomba, and the narrative I’d composed so carefully, the one where she might pop in for dinner on Sunday nights, is merely folly, fiction in the author’s mind.


Writer, Rachel Cusk warns us not to become too attached to that perfect script because, after all, ‘at some point the growing child will pick up [the script] and turn it over in [her] hands like some dispassionate reviewer composing a cold-hearted analysis of an overhyped novel. The shock of critique is the first, faint sign of the coming conflict, though I wonder how much of what we call conflict is in fact our own deserved punishment for telling the story wrong, for twisting it with our own vanity or wishful thinking, for failing to honour the truth.’


She paints a harsh but very truthful reality for those of us who hold too tightly to a treasured storyline. After all, letting go of our children is an art form (Brown, 2020) and yet it is the essence of adolescence – the period of time taken for a teen to define themselves as separate from their parents: not as a clone, not as a mini-version of said parents and certainly not as the protagonist of their parents’ script.


I think of this period of parenting as analogous to standing on the sideline watching our daughter play sport or sitting in an audience watching her perform on stage.


Do we find ourselves wanting to be on the field or stage with her, metaphorically or literally? Do we see her as emulating us? Are we wanting to correct adjudicators and umpires too vociferously? Do we analyse each moment of the performance on the car trip home – commenting, deconstructing critically, comparing to others? If we are honest, we’ve all done some of that in some way – but hopefully not all of it, all the time.


Letting go is the ultimate art form. No one does it easily, though it is possible to do it with grace. Given that statistics from the Royal Melbourne Hospital tell us that the period of adolescence begins at age 10 and that the average adolescence/adult in Melbourne leaves home at 27, there is a long period of time for us to perfect the skill of letting go, and lots of opportunity to do so with grace – if that is our will. Implicit in that grace lies humility and a willingness to manage our own shame when things don’t go to script.


Hodson (2020) writes that ‘all parents “fail” in some sense. A noted [psychologist] once[said]: ‘A parent’s place is in the wrong.’ That statement is not something for us to view as dire. It’s there as a reality check for us all, that pertinent reminder that our best intentions go hand in hand with our own flaws and ‘humanness’ – and sometimes it is a volatile mix. Whilst we all have a depth of life experience, we have worked, travelled, and faced challenging circumstances - these are our experiences, and they are not our child’s (Brown, 2020). Whilst our wisdom is valuable, how and when it is shared, matters. Sometimes we cannot share it at all.


Hold on for the ride and let go gracefully as you do so … enjoy the moments of unity when you escape with her, from what can sometimes be the ‘mild prison of home’ (Cusk, 2015), the place where hopes, expectations and the thirst for independence can meet in a volatile collision. She is coming back … eventually, but now is the time for her to explore, to find herself as independent from her parents, and to do so, with the security of knowing that home is also a place of comfort, certainty and love.


‘For as long as you cling to your children like a lifebelt, you will cease to grow up.’ (Hodson, 2020) – and neither will they. She is coming back … even from London, (eventually)!




Dr Linda Evans | Principal



REFERENCES

Brown, M. (2020). The Art of Letting Your Children Go »

Retrieved 4 August 2022


Cusk, R. (2015). Teenagers: what’s wrong with them? ‘The Australian’. April 25, 2015


Hodson, P. (2012). My message to the parents who can’t let their children go: grow up »

‘The Guardian’. 5 August 2012.

Retrieved 4 August 2022


More News

Leading with Heart: Miranda Mann, 2026 Head Boarder

By Sarah Richardson • November 24, 2025
As we welcome a new year, 2026 Head Boarder Miranda Mann talks about her ambition for her time in the role, reflects on her formative years and looks to what the future holds beyond the tartan. Miranda represents the sixth-generation of cattle graziers from Hillgrove Station, north of Charters Towers. With a deep connection to the land and a heart full of compassion, Miranda brings a grounded, inclusive, and community-focused ideal to the Head Boarder role in 2026. Beginning at Fairholme in Year 7, when she first arrived from her family’s historic Brahman cattle station, established in 1861, before the founding of Townsville. The transition from rural life to boarding school was significant, but it was the unwavering support of her fellow boarders and the dedicated boarding staff that helped her find her place. “An experience that has shaped me to who I am today is the support I received from fellow boarders and staff during tough times,” Miranda reflects. “It’s a great feeling when you know the people around you care for you and want you to succeed. That drives me to do the same for others, because the impact can be significant.” As Head Boarder, Miranda is most excited about working closely with students and staff throughout the year, especially during key events that bring the community together. “I want to make the most of my time left at Fairholme, it’s going to fly by,” she says. “My goal is to leave an everlasting impact by building a more connected and respectful boarding environment. I want every girl to feel comfortable and to enjoy the boarding space even more than they do now.” Miranda’s hope is that her leadership style is rooted in empathy and action. She encourages younger boarders to embrace every opportunity: “Get involved with others and join in on activities around the boarding house, even something as simple as a game of touch. It really makes the term more enjoyable and creates everlasting memories. And don’t be afraid to try new extracurriculars, even if you haven’t done them before.” With her strong sense of community, deep appreciation for her roots, and a genuine desire to uplift those around her, Miranda Mann is set to make 2026 a memorable and meaningful year for the Fairholme boarding family.

Celebrating Peer Support in Boarding

By Sarah Richardson • November 24, 2025
Friendship, connection, and a beautiful handover afternoon tea. At the beginning of this year, our Boarding Wellbeing Audit highlighted one message loud and clear: strong peer support is one of the most powerful influences on boarder wellbeing. In response, we set out with intention to strengthen and expand the ways our older girls walk beside and uplift our younger ones. In Term 2, we introduced our Middle Sisters program: a group of dedicated Year 11 Boarders who stepped in to support our Year 7s as the Year 12 academic demands increased. Over the past three terms, the Year 7s and Year 11s have shared plenty of laughs, chats, and practical support, building bonds that have enriched daily boarding life. Wanting our Year 8s to experience the same connection, we extended the initiative to include Year 10 Boarders who were interested to take on a similar role. This group has done a wonderful job running relaxed, group-style mentoring over shared dinners—something the Year 8s have thoroughly enjoyed. A big thank you to Year 11 Boarder, Bella Quinn, who has taken the lead in organising our next group of peer mentors. She has brought together our current Year 9s, who will step into mentoring roles in 2026, supporting today’s Year 7s as they move into Year 8, continuing the cycle of connection and care. Bella hosted a lovely afternoon tea to mark the handover. It was a chance for our Year 11 Middle Sisters to introduce their Year 7s to the new Year 9 mentors who will walk alongside them next year. The Cameron Room was filled with chatter, laughter and the beginnings of friendships that will carry through many years of boarding life. It was a reminder of what makes our community so special: girls supporting girls, encouraging one another, and finding strength in connection.

Back-to-Back State Champion

By Sarah Richardson • November 19, 2025
Fairholme Year 6 student, Eden Broksch, has once again shown her incredible talent and determination, taking out the State Championship title in the Tetrathlon for the second consecutive year. Competing at the Queensland Representative School Sport State Track and Field Championships in Townsville, Eden shone across all four Tetrathlon events: 100m, Long Jump, Shot Put and 800m. The competition, held over two days, began with the 100m and Long Jump. Eden admits the first day didn’t quite go to plan. ‘At the end of the first day, I was in about 12th place,’ she shared. But day two brought a remarkable turnaround. After a strong Shot Put performance, she surged up the leaderboard. ‘After the Shot Put, I moved up to fourth place. I was pretty confident I could place in the top three if I finished with a good run in the 800m,’ she said. What followed was a determined and inspiring final effort. Eden ran her heart out in the 800m — her favourite event and that final burst was enough to secure the overall win. ‘I ran a personal best time in the 800m and ended up winning overall by just a couple of points,’ she explained, smiling. This victory also means Eden will once again don the maroon colours, earning her place on the Queensland team for the second year in a row. ‘It feels so good,’ she said. ‘I love going away with the team, it’s so much fun and one of my best friends is also going too, which makes it really enjoyable to share the experience.’ In the lead-up to nationals, Eden has been training with enormous commitment and energy. ‘I’m running usually five days a week, two throws training sessions, two long jump sessions and I also play touch football,’ she explained. Shot Put and the 800m remain her favourite events, but her love for combined disciplines continues to grow. She’s already looking ahead to the future. ‘I love competing in the combined events. I don’t just have to focus on only one event, I can do multiple. I hope to move from the tetrathlon to the heptathlon when I’m old enough.’ Eden is also a true all-round athlete. This year alone, she has represented Darling Downs in Orienteering and both Queensland and Darling Downs in Cross Country, all while representing Fairholme in touch football, netball and gymnastics as well. Her passion for sport extends beyond competition — she treasures the friendships she has forged along the way. ‘I’ve made lots of great friends through athletics from all over,’ she said. As Eden prepares for the School Sport Australia National Championships in Canberra at the end of the month, her goals are clear. ‘I want to improve on last year’s score and achieve another personal best in the 800m.’ Congratulations, Eden! Fairholme is incredibly proud of your grit, talent and wonderful attitude. We’ll be cheering you on as you take on the national stage once again.
All News

More News…

Leading with Heart: Miranda Mann, 2026 Head Boarder

By Sarah Richardson • November 24, 2025
As we welcome a new year, 2026 Head Boarder Miranda Mann talks about her ambition for her time in the role, reflects on her formative years and looks to what the future holds beyond the tartan. Miranda represents the sixth-generation of cattle graziers from Hillgrove Station, north of Charters Towers. With a deep connection to the land and a heart full of compassion, Miranda brings a grounded, inclusive, and community-focused ideal to the Head Boarder role in 2026. Beginning at Fairholme in Year 7, when she first arrived from her family’s historic Brahman cattle station, established in 1861, before the founding of Townsville. The transition from rural life to boarding school was significant, but it was the unwavering support of her fellow boarders and the dedicated boarding staff that helped her find her place. “An experience that has shaped me to who I am today is the support I received from fellow boarders and staff during tough times,” Miranda reflects. “It’s a great feeling when you know the people around you care for you and want you to succeed. That drives me to do the same for others, because the impact can be significant.” As Head Boarder, Miranda is most excited about working closely with students and staff throughout the year, especially during key events that bring the community together. “I want to make the most of my time left at Fairholme, it’s going to fly by,” she says. “My goal is to leave an everlasting impact by building a more connected and respectful boarding environment. I want every girl to feel comfortable and to enjoy the boarding space even more than they do now.” Miranda’s hope is that her leadership style is rooted in empathy and action. She encourages younger boarders to embrace every opportunity: “Get involved with others and join in on activities around the boarding house, even something as simple as a game of touch. It really makes the term more enjoyable and creates everlasting memories. And don’t be afraid to try new extracurriculars, even if you haven’t done them before.” With her strong sense of community, deep appreciation for her roots, and a genuine desire to uplift those around her, Miranda Mann is set to make 2026 a memorable and meaningful year for the Fairholme boarding family.

Celebrating Peer Support in Boarding

By Sarah Richardson • November 24, 2025
Friendship, connection, and a beautiful handover afternoon tea. At the beginning of this year, our Boarding Wellbeing Audit highlighted one message loud and clear: strong peer support is one of the most powerful influences on boarder wellbeing. In response, we set out with intention to strengthen and expand the ways our older girls walk beside and uplift our younger ones. In Term 2, we introduced our Middle Sisters program: a group of dedicated Year 11 Boarders who stepped in to support our Year 7s as the Year 12 academic demands increased. Over the past three terms, the Year 7s and Year 11s have shared plenty of laughs, chats, and practical support, building bonds that have enriched daily boarding life. Wanting our Year 8s to experience the same connection, we extended the initiative to include Year 10 Boarders who were interested to take on a similar role. This group has done a wonderful job running relaxed, group-style mentoring over shared dinners—something the Year 8s have thoroughly enjoyed. A big thank you to Year 11 Boarder, Bella Quinn, who has taken the lead in organising our next group of peer mentors. She has brought together our current Year 9s, who will step into mentoring roles in 2026, supporting today’s Year 7s as they move into Year 8, continuing the cycle of connection and care. Bella hosted a lovely afternoon tea to mark the handover. It was a chance for our Year 11 Middle Sisters to introduce their Year 7s to the new Year 9 mentors who will walk alongside them next year. The Cameron Room was filled with chatter, laughter and the beginnings of friendships that will carry through many years of boarding life. It was a reminder of what makes our community so special: girls supporting girls, encouraging one another, and finding strength in connection.

Back-to-Back State Champion

By Sarah Richardson • November 19, 2025
Fairholme Year 6 student, Eden Broksch, has once again shown her incredible talent and determination, taking out the State Championship title in the Tetrathlon for the second consecutive year. Competing at the Queensland Representative School Sport State Track and Field Championships in Townsville, Eden shone across all four Tetrathlon events: 100m, Long Jump, Shot Put and 800m. The competition, held over two days, began with the 100m and Long Jump. Eden admits the first day didn’t quite go to plan. ‘At the end of the first day, I was in about 12th place,’ she shared. But day two brought a remarkable turnaround. After a strong Shot Put performance, she surged up the leaderboard. ‘After the Shot Put, I moved up to fourth place. I was pretty confident I could place in the top three if I finished with a good run in the 800m,’ she said. What followed was a determined and inspiring final effort. Eden ran her heart out in the 800m — her favourite event and that final burst was enough to secure the overall win. ‘I ran a personal best time in the 800m and ended up winning overall by just a couple of points,’ she explained, smiling. This victory also means Eden will once again don the maroon colours, earning her place on the Queensland team for the second year in a row. ‘It feels so good,’ she said. ‘I love going away with the team, it’s so much fun and one of my best friends is also going too, which makes it really enjoyable to share the experience.’ In the lead-up to nationals, Eden has been training with enormous commitment and energy. ‘I’m running usually five days a week, two throws training sessions, two long jump sessions and I also play touch football,’ she explained. Shot Put and the 800m remain her favourite events, but her love for combined disciplines continues to grow. She’s already looking ahead to the future. ‘I love competing in the combined events. I don’t just have to focus on only one event, I can do multiple. I hope to move from the tetrathlon to the heptathlon when I’m old enough.’ Eden is also a true all-round athlete. This year alone, she has represented Darling Downs in Orienteering and both Queensland and Darling Downs in Cross Country, all while representing Fairholme in touch football, netball and gymnastics as well. Her passion for sport extends beyond competition — she treasures the friendships she has forged along the way. ‘I’ve made lots of great friends through athletics from all over,’ she said. As Eden prepares for the School Sport Australia National Championships in Canberra at the end of the month, her goals are clear. ‘I want to improve on last year’s score and achieve another personal best in the 800m.’ Congratulations, Eden! Fairholme is incredibly proud of your grit, talent and wonderful attitude. We’ll be cheering you on as you take on the national stage once again.
All News